Start the Year with a Laugh.

January 1st, 2014

Start the Year with a Laugh.

Awards are out  again:

It’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us .
Here is  the glorious winner:

1. When his .38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended  victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire  wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it  worked.
And now, the Honourable  mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat  cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to  his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its  men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a  finger.. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his  car during a blizzard in Chicago returned  with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot  her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental  patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo  had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a  nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then  delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the  patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception  wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital  recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received  the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close  he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man  walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20  bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash  drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,  which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and  fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got  from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money,  is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer  pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor  store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and  heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit  the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store  window was made of Plexiglas. The whole  event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York  convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911  immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of  the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put  him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of  the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes,  officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News  crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and  demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the  cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the  clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on  a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he  got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a  very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the  man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank  by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it  was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough! In the interest of  bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family….unless of  course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost  friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain  lost.